In my hotel at Westport. I could so live here. Not Westport, but the hotel. Any hotel really, these things are nice!
I wrote this blog:
Cheese rolling. That’s a sport. Cheese rolling is a sport. But it’s not what you think, if you’re thinking of posh upper class English people rolling down cheese and whoever gets the furthest wins, then you’re wrong. I was wrong, that’s what I thought it was when I first heard it. But if you were thinking that someone rolls down a huge bit of expensive cheese and lots of crazy non-posh English people running as fast as they can down this hill to catch the cheese... then you were right! It’s a legitimate sport and people come from all over the world to participate in this festival that is only held in Gloucester. People who attempt to take on the thrill of chasing cheese down a hill actually have been in very critical conditions. It’s actually a very dangerous sport, no wonder why It’s played nowhere else in the world.
I always thought I had the upper hand when talking about weird sports because I had the Australian Football. The Europeans I’ve chatted to, do not get the game at all and think that all us Kangaroo-loving Australians are weird.
I love that. I love the whole cultural exchange. Well obviously I do, I mean if I didn’t I would be incredibly stupid to go on this trip. But what is always tricky and hard to work out is what is socially acceptable. Like in France kissing on two cheeks when greeting friends or strangers, is completely acceptable. In Australia, it is completely acceptable going on a road trip, pulling over and having a quick pee off the highway. The cars passing by love it and usually give a beep every so often. I’m not sure if it’s a good beep or a bad beep but from my knowledge peeing off the side of the highway is acceptable in Australia… if you’re a male.
Now my boys back home especially Ben Lane (miss you brother), will know that I do not hold farts in, in a car. I try my best to live a life of being as selfless as possible but when it comes to farting, I am the most selfish person in the world. I don’t even wind down my window when I let ‘Fluffy off the chain’, I know I’m a horrible human being. The worst thing about my body is that I choose to ‘fire away’ in the worst possible situations. Whether that’s at home on the couch watching a movie with Ma, road tripping with the boys or … on a aeroplane. I know, I know. I am the worst. I remember when I was flying to London and I was watching my movie and I kept on ‘launching air loaves’ and the poor lady next to me had to keep covering her nose and gave me haunting death stares. I could see her anger in my peripheral vision and I just kept ‘watching’ my movie and acted like nothing happened. The worst part is, is that is so funny for me and I really shouldn’t find it humours but I thrive when people are dying from my bad smell. I should probably go seek help.
Wow. I got way too carried away there, I apologise. Where was I? Okay, how to deal with things when you’re not too sure if its socially acceptable. When I was back in the U.K, I drove the dumper quite a bit. As I was mastering how to drive this big beast, I could never master how bumpy the road was. And obviously because it’s me and my body hates me. I really needed to go for a pee. We just had a coffee break, so I felt it would be too soon to go for a quick toilet break. But these bumps on the road would make me bounce pretty high and my bladder was seriously about to pop. No, pop isn’t as big, my bladder was seriously about to explode! So when I was driving the dumper, I went around the corner where no one could see and started the process. You know when you’re at the cinema and the movie finally finishes and that moment once you’re in the bathroom. That magical moment. That’s what I was feeling. It was so unbelievably worth it... Until one of the other dumper drivers Nye (my host’s son) was driving by. Well crap! I thought. That’s it. I’m caught out! Soon the whole family will know and I’ll be kicked off this farm. Where can I go? I’ve got nowhere to go! Should I go back home to Australia? Only after like a week of adventuring?!
I gave Nye a thumbs up (with one hand) and a smile in hopes that he wouldn’t mind and that those two gestures justified myself. He simply just drove by. Afterwards, I worked up the courage and chocked as I asked him if he saw me. He did see me, he was completely fine with it, he does it as well. What a relief!
At the end of the day, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Travelling to new countries is all about making loads of mistakes on what it is socially acceptable. And sometimes when you’re too embarrassed to simply just ask, you just gotta do it and hope for the best. Or hope you don’t get caught out. But also switching it around when I’m trying to find out if it is okay to do something in a particular country, it’s incredibly important that I do not offend anyone. I apologise to any of the cars that were offended when they saw me peeing off the highway back home.
If you’ve gotten up to here and are still reading this fifthly blog article, I’m so proud of you! We can now go through anything together. The adventure continues! Where will I pee next?
The adventure continues.